Comic Funny Best Jokes
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
- What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!”
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
- What did one plate say to the other plate? “Lunch is on me!”
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
- What did one snowman say to the other snowman? “Do you smell carrots?”
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
- What did one hat say to the other hat? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!”
- Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
Comic Puns Jokes
- Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels!
- Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
- Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
- Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!
- Why did the stadium get hot after the game? Because all of the fans left!
- Why was the broom late? It swept in!
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
- Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field!
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
- Why did the stadium get hot after the game? Because all of the fans left!
- Why was the broom late? It swept in!
- Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field!
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Comic Pickup Lines Jokes
- Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te!
- Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!
- Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes!
- Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for!
- Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
- Are you a campfire? Because you’re hot and I want s’more!
- Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest!
- Are you a time traveler? Because I see you in my future!
- Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you!
- Is your name Wi-fi? Because I’m really feeling a connection!
- Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!
- Are you made of sugar? Because you’re so sweet, you’re giving me a toothache!
- Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda one for me!
- Is your name Ariel? Because we mermaid for each other!
- Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
- Are you a campfire? Because you’re hot and I want s’more!
- Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile!
- Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
- Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
- Are you Australian? Because when I look at you, I feel like I’m down under!
Comic Charade Jokes
- Charade: (Act out pretending to stir a pot)
Answer: Stir-fry - Charade: (Pretend to ride a horse)
Answer: Cowboy - Charade: (Pantomime holding a telescope and looking through it)
Answer: Astronomer - Charade: (Walk in place, then pretend to ring a doorbell)
Answer: Doorbell - Charade: (Pretend to be a mime trapped in an invisible box)
Answer: Mime - Charade: (Make exaggerated sneezing motions)
Answer: Allergy - Charade: (Imitate a superhero flying)
Answer: Superman - Charade: (Act like you’re swimming)
Answer: Lifeguard - Charade: (Pretend to be a zombie walking with arms outstretched)
Answer: Zombie - Charade: (Pantomime typing on a keyboard)
Answer: Typist - Charade: (Pretend to juggle invisible balls)
Answer: Juggler - Charade: (Make exaggerated yawning motions)
Answer: Tired - Charade: (Pretend to be a chef chopping vegetables)
Answer: Chef - Charade: (Act like you’re swinging a golf club)
Answer: Golfer - Charade: (Pantomime painting a picture)
Answer: Artist - Charade: (Imitate a cat stretching and arching its back)
Answer: Stretch - Charade: (Pretend to be a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat)
Answer: Magician - Charade: (Act like you’re on a rollercoaster, hands up in the air)
Answer: Rollercoaster - Charade: (Pretend to be a robot, moving stiffly and mechanically)
Answer: Robot - Charade: (Make exaggerated shivering motions)
Answer: Cold
Comic OneLiners Jokes
- I told my computer I needed a break, now it won’t stop sending me “Ctrl-Alt-Delete” reminders.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
- When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
- I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
- I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
- Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!
- Why was the broom late? It swept in!
- I’m trying to organize a hide and seek competition, but it’s difficult to find good players.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field!
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
- I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why was the scarecrow promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Comic Quotes Jokes
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
- “I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me.”
- “I’m not short, I’m vertically efficient.”
- “I’m not procrastinating, I’m just multitasking my distractions.”
- “I’m not a chef, I’m an experimental food artist.”
- “I’m not lost, I’m exploring alternative routes.”
- “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just giving you a chance to miss me.”
- “I’m not aging, I’m vintage.”
- “I’m not talking to myself, I’m having a board meeting with my inner circle.”
- “I’m not forgetful, I’m just creating space for more memories.”
- “I’m not late, I’m fashionably timed.”
- “I’m not overthinking, I’m just conducting an intellectual symphony.”
- “I’m not addicted to chocolate, I’m committed to its happiness.”
- “I’m not a couch potato, I’m a leisure enthusiast.”
- “I’m not a night owl, I’m a nocturnal productivity expert.”
- “I’m not indecisive, I’m selective with my options.”
- “I’m not clumsy, I’m just enhancing the floor’s character.”
- “I’m not avoiding responsibilities, I’m strategically prioritizing.”
- “I’m not tired, I’m just embracing horizontal thinking.”
- “I’m not a procrastinator, I’m a spontaneous strategist.”
Comic Captions Jokes
- “When life gives you lemons, make sure you have plenty of sugar for the lemonade!”
- “Just another day at the circus of life, juggling priorities like a pro.”
- “Dancing through the chaos of Monday like nobody’s watching.”
- “Coffee: the only magic potion that turns ‘leave me alone’ into ‘good morning!'”
- “Embracing my inner child because adulthood is overrated.”
- “I’m not procrastinating, I’m just giving my ideas time to marinate.”
- “Slaying dragons and conquering deadlines, one cup of coffee at a time.”
- “In a world full of Kardashians, be a Phoebe Buffay.”
- “Life is short, buy the shoes, eat the cake, take the nap.”
- “Just remember, you’re not lost, you’re on an adventure.”
- “I’m not clumsy, I’m just conducting gravity experiments.”
- “My superpower? Turning pizza into productivity.”
- “Don’t be afraid to be a glow stick; sometimes you need to break before you shine.”
- “If at first, you don’t succeed, redefine success and try again.”
- “Life is like a camera; focus on what’s important and capture the good times.”
- “Why fit in when you were born to stand out and embarrass your kids?”
- “They say laughter is the best medicine, but I’ll settle for coffee.”
- “I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?”
- “Life is too short for boring socks and bad coffee.”
- “Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m functioning.”
Comic Puzzles & Riddles Jokes
- Puzzle: What has keys but can’t open locks?
Answer: A piano. - Puzzle: What gets wetter as it dries?
Answer: A towel. - Puzzle: What has a neck but no head?
Answer: A bottle. - Puzzle: What is always hungry but never eats?
Answer: A furnace. - Puzzle: What belongs to you but is used more by others?
Answer: Your name. - Puzzle: What has eyes but can’t see?
Answer: A potato. - Puzzle: What can you catch but never throw?
Answer: A cold. - Puzzle: What travels around the world but stays in one spot?
Answer: A stamp. - Puzzle: What has a foot but no legs?
Answer: A ruler. - Puzzle: What has hands but can’t clap?
Answer: A clock. - Puzzle: What is so fragile that saying its name breaks it?
Answer: Silence. - Puzzle: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?
Answer: The letter ‘M’. - Puzzle: What has a heart that doesn’t beat?
Answer: An artichoke. - Puzzle: What runs but never walks, murmurs but never talks, has a bed but never sleeps?
Answer: A river. - Puzzle: What flies without wings?
Answer: Time. - Puzzle: What gets bigger the more you take away?
Answer: A hole. - Puzzle: What has keys that can’t open any locks?
Answer: A keyboard. - Puzzle: What has a head, a tail, but no body?
Answer: A coin. - Puzzle: What can you hold without touching it at all?
Answer: A conversation. - Puzzle: What is full of holes but can still hold water?
Answer: A sponge.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field! - What’s a superhero’s favorite part of the joke?
The punchline! - Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems! - Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing! - What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta! - Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired! - What’s the best day to go to the beach?
Sun-day! - Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts! - Why was the belt arrested?
For holding up a pair of pants! - What’s a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer! - Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one! - Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing! - What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hey, bud! - Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field! - Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted! - What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around, I’ll go ahead! - Why did the pencil go to the doctor?
It had too many lead problems! - Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they’d crack each other up! - What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot! - Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
Table of Contents
