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Funniest Funny Best Jokes

1. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
   Because they don’t have the guts!
2. Why was the math book sad?
   Because it had too many problems!
3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
   Because they make up everything!
4. What do you call fake spaghetti?
   An impasta!
5. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
   Because he was outstanding in his field!
6. Why did the tomato turn red?
   Because it saw the salad dressing!
7. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
   Nothing, they just waved!
8. Why don’t skeletons go to scary movies?
   Because they don’t have the guts!
9. What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
   Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
10. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    Because it was two-tired!
11. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    Nacho cheese!
12. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
    It was two-tired!
13. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
    Frostbite!
14. Why was the belt arrested?
    For holding up a pair of pants!
15. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
    They don’t have the guts!
16. Why was the broom late?
    It swept in!
17. Why did the tomato turn red?
    Because it saw the salad dressing!
18. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
    Frostbite!
19. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
    Because they might crack up!
20. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one!

Funniest Puns Jokes

1. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down!
2. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de-brie!
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
4. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug!
5. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet!
6. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
7. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough!
8. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!
9. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
10. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down!
11. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
12. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on ahead!
13. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
14. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it’s hard to find good players – they’re always hiding!
15. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!
16. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
17. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
18. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
19. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
20. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

Funniest Pickup Lines Jokes

1. Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!
2. Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.
3. Are you a campfire? Because you’re hot and I want s’more!
4. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
5. Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
6. If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber!
7. Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m really feeling a connection.
8. Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
9. Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest!
10. If you were a vegetable, you’d be a fineapple!
11. Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
12. Are you Australian? Because when I look at you, I feel like I’m down under!
13. Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
14. Are you a parking ticket? Because you have ‘fine’ written all over you!
15. Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda one for me!
16. Is your name Chapstick? Because you’re da balm!
17. Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.
18. Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te!
19. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants!
20. Do you like raisins? How about a date?

Funniest Charade Jokes

1. Charade: Pretend to be a chicken laying an unusually shaped egg.
   Answer: Picasso painting an omelet.
2. Charade: Act out a clumsy ballet dancer with two left feet.
   Answer: Dancing disaster.
3. Charade: Mimic a squirrel hoarding imaginary acorns.
   Answer: Nutty squirrel.
4. Charade: Pretend to be a penguin trying to fly.
   Answer: Flightless bird.
5. Charade: Act like a mime stuck in an invisible box.
   Answer: Trapped mime.
6. Charade: Pretend to be a fish out of water doing synchronized swimming.
   Answer: Flopping fish.
7. Charade: Mimic a snail in a speed race.
   Answer: Turbo snail.
8. Charade: Act like a superhero with a fear of heights.
   Answer: Fearful flyer.
9. Charade: Pretend to be a cow attempting to do a cartwheel.
   Answer: Cow-tastrophe.
10. Charade: Mime a monkey attempting to solve a Rubik’s cube.
    Answer: Confused chimp.
11. Charade: Act like a magician performing a disappearing trick but failing.
    Answer: Vanishing act gone wrong.
12. Charade: Pretend to be a penguin trying to order at a drive-thru.
    Answer: Drive-thru dilemma.
13. Charade: Mimic a kangaroo struggling with a jump rope.
    Answer: Kangaroo knots.
14. Charade: Act like a sloth in a hurry.
    Answer: Speedy sloth.
15. Charade: Pretend to be a giraffe trying to limbo dance.
    Answer: Limbo giraffe.
16. Charade: Mime a cat trying to walk gracefully on a treadmill.
    Answer: Treadmill trouble.
17. Charade: Act like a bear attempting to perform stand-up comedy.
    Answer: Bear-y funny.
18. Charade: Pretend to be a flamingo with two left feet.
    Answer: Clumsy flamingo.
19. Charade: Mimic a turtle trying to breakdance.
    Answer: Breakdancing turtle.
20. Charade: Act like a duck trying to juggle.
    Answer: Juggling duck.

Funniest OneLiners Jokes

1. I told my computer I needed a break, now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.
2. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough!
3. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet!
4. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down!
5. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
6. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!
7. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
8. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
9. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
10. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it’s hard to find good players – they’re always hiding!
11. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!
12. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on ahead!
13. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
14. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug!
15. Why was the broom late? It swept in!
16. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
17. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
18. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
19. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!
20. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!

Funniest Quotes Jokes

1. “I’m not lazy, I’m just energy efficient.”
2. “I’m not clumsy, I’m just gravity-challenged.”
3. “I’m not indecisive, I’m just exploring all my options indefinitely.”
4. “I’m not procrastinating, I’m just on a deadline extension program.”
5. “I’m not forgetful, I’m just creating space for new memories.”
6. “I’m not aging, I’m just increasing in vintage value.”
7. “I’m not lost, I’m just taking the scenic route to everywhere.”
8. “I’m not awkward, I’m just upgrading to the latest version of social interaction.”
9. “I’m not a morning person, I’m just nocturnally challenged.”
10. “I’m not talking to myself, I’m just having a staff meeting with my brain trust.”
11. “I’m not overthinking, I’m just deep diving into the ocean of possibilities.”
12. “I’m not daydreaming, I’m just exploring the alternate universe in my mind.”
13. “I’m not a perfectionist, I’m just refining the art of impeccable imperfection.”
14. “I’m not stubborn, I’m just committed to my chosen path, even if it’s a dead end.”
15. “I’m not avoiding responsibilities, I’m just delegating them to future me.”
16. “I’m not antisocial, I’m just selectively interactive.”
17. “I’m not pessimistic, I’m just a realist with an optimistic side hiding in a bunker.”
18. “I’m not overreacting, I’m just emotionally rehearsing for dramatic roles.”
19. “I’m not overeating, I’m just generously feeding my inner food critic.”
20. “I’m not oversleeping, I’m just stocking up on dreams for a rainy day.”

Funniest Captions Jokes

1. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
2. I put the “pro” in procrastination.
3. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
4. If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
5. My dentist told me I need a crown. I said, “I know, right?”
6. My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.
7. Why be a “glass half empty” person when you can just get a smaller glass?
8. I’m not lazy, I’m in energy-saving mode.
9. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
10. I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
11. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
12. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
13. My room is not messy; it’s an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.
14. Why fit in when you were born to stand out? (said the chameleon)
15. I haven’t lost my mind, it’s backed up on a USB drive somewhere.
16. I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
17. Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
18. I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.
19. Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.
20. My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Funniest Puzzles & Riddles Jokes

1. What has keys but can’t open locks? (A piano!)
2. What has a neck but no head? (A bottle!)
3. What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? (The letter ‘m’!)
4. What has a bottom at the top? (Your legs!)
5. What has hands but can’t clap? (A clock!)
6. What gets wetter as it dries? (A towel!)
7. What has teeth but can’t bite? (A comb!)
8. What has keys but can’t drive? (A keyboard!)
9. What is full of holes but still holds water? (A sponge!)
10. What can you catch but not throw? (A cold!)
11. What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs? (A clock!)
12. What goes up but never comes down? (Your age!)
13. What belongs to you but other people use it more than you do? (Your name!)
14. What has cities but no houses, forests but no trees, and rivers but no water? (A map!)
15. What starts with ‘e’ and ends with ‘e’ but only has one letter in it? (An envelope!)
16. What can travel around the world while staying in a corner? (A stamp!)
17. What has one head, one foot, and four legs? (A bed!)
18. What has a neck but no head, and two arms but no hands? (A shirt!)
19. What gets bigger the more you take away? (A hole!)
20. What has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in? (A keyboard!)

1. What has keys but can’t open locks? A piano!
2. What gets wetter as it dries? A towel!
3. What can you catch but not throw? A cold!
4. What has a neck but no head? A bottle!
5. What is always in front of you but can’t be seen? The future!
6. What has a bed but never sleeps? A river!
7. What has teeth but can’t bite? A comb!
8. What can you hold without ever touching or using your hands? A conversation!
9. What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
10. What has eyes but can’t see? A potato!
11. What is full of holes but still holds water? A sponge!
12. What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs? A penny!
13. What can travel around the world while staying in a corner? A stamp!
14. What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it? A promise!
15. What has hands but can’t clap? A clock!
16. What has keys but can’t open locks and has space but no room? A keyboard!
17. What has cities but no buildings, forests but no trees, and rivers but no water? A map!
18. What starts with a ‘P’ and ends with an ‘E’ and has thousands of letters? Post office!
19. What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs? A penny!
20. What has many keys but can’t open a single lock? A piano!

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