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Smartass Funny Best Jokes

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
3. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
4. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
5. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
6. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels!
7. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
8. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
9. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
10. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
11. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
12. Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
13. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
14. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.
15. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.
16. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
17. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
18. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
19. Why was the broom late? It overswept.
20. Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

Smartass Puns Jokes

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
3. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
4. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
5. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
6. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
7. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
8. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
9. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
10. Why was the broom late? It overswept.
11. Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
12. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
13. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.
14. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
15. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels!
16. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
17. Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
18. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.
19. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
20. Why did the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.

Smartass Pickup Lines Jokes

1. Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.
2. Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
3. Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.
4. Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.
5. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
6. Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.
7. Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
8. Is your name Wi-fi? Because I’m feeling a connection.
9. Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda one for me!
10. If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
11. Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got “fine” written all over you.
12. Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.
13. Is your name Ariel? Because we mermaid for each other.
14. Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
15. Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
16. Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
17. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
18. Are you Australian? Because when I look at you, I feel like I’m down under.
19. Do you like sales? Because if you’re offering, I’m sold.
20. Are you a campfire? Because you’re hot and I want s’more.

Smartass Charade Jokes

1. Charade: Answer: “Bee in Honey”
2. Charade: ️‍♂️ Answer: “Gym Engagement”
3. Charade: Answer: “Carpool”
4. Charade: Answer: “Pizza Call”
5. Charade: Answer: “Home Movie”
6. Charade: Answer: “Book Search”
7. Charade: Answer: “Rocket Banana”
8. Charade: Answer: “Broken Heart”
9. Charade: Answer: “Microphone Tweet”
10. Charade: Answer: “Hot Fries”
11. Charade: Answer: “Shower Thoughts”
12. Charade: Answer: “Turtle Hat”
13. Charade: Answer: “Mask Party”
14. Charade: Answer: “Moon Ice Cream”
15. Charade: Answer: “Pineapple Crown”
16. Charade: ️ Answer: “Bike Ride”
17. Charade: Answer: “Desert Oasis”
18. Charade: Answer: “Ship Art”
19. Charade: Answer: “House Balloon”
20. Charade: Answer: “Hotdog Calendar”

Smartass OneLiners Jokes

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
4. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
5. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
6. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
7. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
8. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
9. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
10. Why was the broom late? It overswept.
11. Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
12. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
13. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.
14. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
15. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels!
16. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
17. Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
18. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.
19. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
20. Why did the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.

Smartass Quotes Jokes

1. “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
2. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
3. “I’m not a procrastinator, I’m just on a prolonged brainstorming session.”
4. “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just giving you a chance to miss me.”
5. “I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?”
6. “I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me.”
7. “I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”
8. “I’m not short-tempered, I just have a quick reaction to stupidity.”
9. “I’m not indecisive, I’m just exploring all my options indefinitely.”
10. “I’m not a know-it-all, but I do know a lot about knowing it all.”
11. “I’m not breaking the rules, I’m just testing their elasticity.”
12. “I’m not a perfectionist, I’m just consistently disappointed by mediocrity.”
13. “I’m not lost, I’m just taking the scenic route.”
14. “I’m not awkward, I’m just at a higher level of social awareness.”
15. “I’m not stubborn, I’m just committed to my point of view.”
16. “I’m not addicted to chocolate, I’m just loyal to it.”
17. “I’m not a pessimist, I’m just a realist with experience.”
18. “I’m not late, I just operate on a different time zone.”
19. “I’m not avoiding responsibility, I’m just delegating efficiently.”
20. “I’m not being difficult, I’m just challenging your problem-solving skills.”

Smartass Captions Jokes

1. “Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m functioning.”
2. “Proof that I’m not entirely useless: I can be used as a bad example.”
3. “I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
4. “I’m not ignoring you, I’m selectively responding.”
5. “I’m not late, I just live in a different time zone.”
6. “I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?”
7. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
8. “Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.”
9. “I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”
10. “I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.”
11. “My hobbies include overthinking and misinterpreting social cues.”
12. “My patience is wearing thin, but my mascara is not.”
13. “I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me.”
14. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a ‘don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee’ person.”
15. “I’m not awkward, I’m just at a higher level of social awareness.”
16. “I’m not stubborn, I’m just consistently committed to my point of view.”
17. “I’m not short-tempered, I just have a quick reaction to stupidity.”
18. “I’m not indecisive, I’m just exploring all my options indefinitely.”
19. “I’m not addicted to chocolate, I’m just loyal to it.”
20. “I’m not breaking the rules, I’m just testing their elasticity.”

Smartass Puzzles & Riddles Jokes

1. What has keys but can’t open locks? – A piano.
2. What can travel around the world while staying in a corner? – A stamp.
3. What goes up but never comes down? – Your age.
4. What gets wetter as it dries? – A towel.
5. What has a neck but no head? – A bottle.
6. What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it? – Silence.
7. What has one eye but can’t see? – A needle.
8. What is always in front of you but can’t be seen? – The future.
9. What belongs to you but is used more by others? – Your name.
10. What is full of holes but still holds water? – A sponge.
11. What is easy to get into but hard to get out of? – Trouble.
12. What can you catch but not throw? – A cold.
13. What has a head, a tail, but no body? – A coin.
14. What can travel all around the world without leaving its corner? – A stamp.
15. What has hands but can’t clap? – A clock.
16. What can be cracked, made, told, and played? – A joke.
17. What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? – The letter ‘M’.
18. What has keys but can’t open locks, and space but no rooms? – A keyboard.
19. What has a neck but no head, and arms but no hands? – A shirt.
20. What comes down but never goes up? – Rain.

1. What has keys but can’t open locks? A piano.
2. What has a neck but no head? A bottle.
3. What has cities, but no houses; forests, but no trees; and rivers, but no water? A map.
4. What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? The letter “m”.
5. What has a bed but never sleeps, a mouth but never eats, and runs but never walks? A river.
6. What can travel around the world while staying in a corner? A stamp.
7. What belongs to you, but other people use it more than you do? Your name.
8. What has many keys but can’t open a single lock? A piano.
9. What goes up and down but never moves? A staircase.
10. What gets wetter as it dries? A towel.
11. What has eyes but can’t see? A potato.
12. What has hands but cannot clap? A clock.
13. What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs? A penny.
14. What has a head, a tail, but no body? A coin.
15. What can you catch but not throw? A cold.
16. What has teeth but cannot bite? A comb.
17. What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? The letter “m”.
18. What has keys but can’t open locks? A keyboard.
19. What is always in front of you but can’t be seen? The future.
20. What has a neck but no head? A bottle.

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